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Volume CXVIII, No. XXIII |
December 8, 2005 |
Follow the rules, be an ‘average American'
Once upon a time, there was a thing called "American culture."
But this was a time when a white majority didn't believe anyone was capable of having culture unless they were white — so culture was easy to define.
African-Americans didn't have culture because whites enslaved them.
Native Americans didn't have culture because whites relocated them, corralled them into reservations and told them how they were going to live.
When we had an American culture, it was during a time when white Americans had all the power and it was socially acceptable to ostracize, oppress or ignore anyone who didn't fit their white puritanical norm.
Welcome to America.
Now, however, "things have changed."
We're supposed to pretend that we're a big salad.
Everyone brings their own culture to this country, and that is what makes us so gosh-darned special.
I mean, golly, we have African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Mexican-Americans, Latino-Americans and "regular" Americans, too.
Does anyone else think it's a little fishy that the only American without an adjective and a hyphen before it is the white, Christian American?
We are eager to be singularly "American" in certain aspects of our culture but so diverse in others. We want everyone to believe that we are an open and accepting country.
"The land of opportunity" is a great slogan and not one this country wants to give up.
We like the idea of diversity, of a vast multitude of experiences and culture all living under one national flag that unites us and makes us one glorious country.
Everyone is represented here — perhaps not equally, but we're working on that.
In America, you have the freedom to live however you want — as long as you speak, write and breathe in English.
As Average-Americans, we've never been fond of reading the fine print; it usually doesn't apply to us anyway.
As Average-Americans, we like to have some edgy African art in the living room that we bought at Pier One.
As Average-Americans, we love Mexican food, Chipotle is our favorite.
As Average-Americans, we are accepting of everyone else's culture because we still believe there is something to accept.
We like diversity because it keeps our lives interesting, but we are scared of anything that is too different than what we know.
So please, immigrate here. We'd love to have you enrich our lives.
But please know the Pledge of Allegiance, the Bill of Rights and standard English.
Celebrate holidays only as marked on your child's school calendar and develop an affinity for Freedom Fries.
Homosexuals need not apply.
